How Do you replace stigma with understanding?

When we don’t understand something, fear often fills the gap.

That’s what stigma really is: fear in disguise. It may look like caution or judgment on the surface, but underneath, it’s often fear of the unknown. It’s fear of not being safe, fear of being associated with addiction, or fear of saying or doing the wrong thing.

The good news is that understanding is the antidote to fear. When we replace stigma with empathy, we make room for dignity, healing, and real community.

Casey, whose true name PARS will keep anonymous out of respect for their privacy, knows this dynamic intimately. While in recovery, they encountered the stigma surrounding recovery even while trying to give their children normal lives.

“I was really fearful for [my kids] when they would have friends come over because my friends are all recovering addicts,” Casey told us, “We’re going to NA events around a bunch of recovering addicts and I was concerned.”

Casey saw it happen more than once. Scheduled playdates and friendships suddenly cut short not because of anything the children did, but because of the stigma tied to addiction and recovery.

“Some parents may or may not let their kid come back to my house,” they explained. “Some were great. They [would say], ‘Every family has someone in addiction. I think it’s awesome you’re in recovery.’ But then… there were those parents I never heard from again. My kids would lose friends.”

This is what stigma really looks like in everyday life.

It’s not always loud or overt. Sometimes, it’s just silence, a parent who doesn’t return a text, or a child who stops showing up.

To the recoveree, it can feel like being judged for trying to get better. To their child, it can feel like shame when they lose friendships because of something they don’t control. This perpetuates the stigma and passes it on to the next generation.

Now, Casey is an understanding role model for young people still undergoing addiction treatment and justice involvement. “I am involved with justice involved youth, kids that are high risk in the community, and I try to help them be successful in maintaining jobs and getting recovery,” they told PARS.

It takes courage to be a role model in a young person’s life, especially when so many in Casey’s own life were fearful instead of understanding, but Casey finds that empathy makes all the difference.

Casey says, “There’s not a cookie cutter approach to helping anybody or to anything, unfortunately. But today I practice empathy. I often understand or try to understand where it is you are coming from, what your life looks like, and try to help guide you out of that.”

That’s what stopping stigma in its tracks looks like.

Recovery isn’t about having a spotless record. It’s about transformation. And for parents in recovery, it’s also about modeling courage, honesty, and resilience for their children.

They’re not hiding from their past, they’re owning it, growing from it, and showing their families what healing can look like. That’s not something to fear. It’s something to respect.

As Casey put it, one of the hardest parts of recovery was the isolation and rejection they received from others. Through this hardship, Casey found that if isolation and stigma hurt those on their way to recovery, the opposite provides a remedy.

“The more supportive you can be and accepting and willing, the greater their chances of being successful,” Casey said. “It’s just sharing love and compassion and empathy.”

How to Replace Stigma with Humanity

Breaking the cycle of stigma doesn’t require perfection. It requires presence. Here’s how we start:

• Start with openness. When someone shares that they’re in recovery, take them at their word. They’re not asking for pity, they’re sharing a commitment to change.
• Talk to your kids. Explain recovery in age-appropriate ways. Normalize it as part of life, just like other forms of healing. You’ll help raise more empathetic, informed children.
• Choose curiosity over judgment. If you feel discomfort, ask where it’s coming from. Is it based on fact or fear? Listen to people’s stories before you form conclusions.
• Support families in recovery. Attend open events. Welcome their children. Offer kindness in everyday ways. You don’t have to “fix” anything. Just showing up without judgment goes a long way.

Sometimes challenging stigma is as simple as saying “Yes.” and giving yourself an opportunity to allow your thoughts and your instincts to treat people in recovery like whole, capable human beings.

Understanding isn’t complicated, but I can be unfamiliar to those who haven’t had to walk this road. Let’s change that. Challenge your fears. Replace stigma with understanding. And help build a world where people in recovery and their families are seen, supported, and welcomed.

If you or someone you know is ready to share their story or be part of the HUMAN storytelling series, contact PARS at (785) 266-8666 or email info@parstopeka.org